If you've ever met me chances are that you know I have a thing for personalities. Some might call it an obsession ;) The truth is that I want more than anything for people to feel valued. If I could accomplish one thing in my life, if people had to say one thing about me at my funeral, I would hope it would be, "She made me feel valuable."
Growing up I never felt that way which I think is a pretty normal experience for elementary/middle school/high school students. Like a lot of kids I got made fun of quite a bit. I'm sure the afro, coke bottle glasses, lisp and nervous tic didn't help my situation much. Top it off with a loud mouth and I was kind of doomed to be picked on. If there was one thing I walked away from those years believing it was that I didn't want to ever make other people feel like they were as worthless as I often felt.
Here's how all that ties into personalities. Feeling understood is a huge part of the battle to feeling valued, to feeling like you are not alone. Misunderstanding fuels conflict and isolation. But, believe it or not, everyone doesn't think like you! We are all wired in special and unique ways with certain gifts and abilities that aren't like anyone else. As you can imagine, being so different can definitely make communication difficult. You say one thing but because of my life experiences and natural wiring I hear something totally different! How can we possibly expect to understand others and be understood with such a huge gap between us?
That's where personalities come into play. I believe that having a basic understanding of the general temperaments of people gives us an excellent starting point to connecting well with others. Obviously these temperaments are general so you'll still have to put in some leg work to truly know a person. But this knowledge gives you a head start so to speak. Not sure? Here's some examples:
In the workplace:
Perception: Your boss never asks you how you are or what is going on in your life. Their e-mails are always direct and to the point, everything feels like an order. Most of the time they don't even say, "Please" or "Thank you" much less "Hi!". You're pretty sure, at best, they think you're incompetent and at worst, hate your guts.
Reality: Your boss is probably just a Powerful Choleric personality. They don't like to take time for common courtesies or socializing especially at work. Never take them personal, just give them the facts as quickly and concisely as possible.
In your marriage:
Perception: Your spouse forgets everything! You ask them to pick up milk on the way home. They forget. You tell them your family is coming in to visit and you need help picking up the house. They forget and then dilly dally around instead of cleaning! You come home from work and all they want to do is talk, talk, talk about crazy long stories you doubt are even true. They never seem to take anything seriously and you often feel disrespected and resentful.
Reality: Your spouse is probably just a Popular Sanguine personality. They love people but are so naturally present minded they forget everything they're supposed to do in the future. They are having way too much fun to be repentant for too long.
In your family:
Perception: Your child is struggling in school. They take forever to do their homework and always just seem to move so slow. You encourage them to run for class office, be on a sports team, just do something! But they show little ambition even if you get them to join! You hate to admit it but you secretly think they're just lazy. Where's their sense of urgency?!
Reality: Your child is probably just a Peaceful Phlegmatic personality. They are calm, laid back and pretty content with life as it is. They make amazing listeners but being president of the united states probably won't be their dream (regardless of whether they have the ability or not), they'd just assume let someone else do it.
In your friendships:
Perception: Your friend is always so particular. About everything. They even iron their jeans for Pete's sake! Organization is their middle name. You always have to watch what you say because even the most innocent comments might be turned into drama. They're just sensitive and pretty moody. You secretly want to tell them to lighten up and not take life so seriously!
Reality: Your friend is probably just a Perfect Melancholy personality. They feel emotions deeply although they might not show them outwardly. They are perfectionists and often very artistically driven and organized.
Hopefully you're starting to see my point. My goal is to do a series of 4 blog posts, one about each personality, in hopes that it'll help you in some way to better understand the people around you. Self-awareness is crucial to good communication and good communication is crucial to strong relationships and strong relationships are crucial to the human existence. Deep down all of want to be known by someone. God made us that way, with a desire to feel connected to one another. Maybe this will help you do just that!
So here's what I want you to do: Click on the link below and take the quick 5 minute personality profile (it's free, no e-mail required etc.!). Here’s
what I want you to keep in mind as you’re completing this quiz:
- Connotation can quickly distort the results of any subjective test like this one, so definitions have been provided for each word. Read these definitions carefully before selecting which word best describes you or you may wind up with some weird results.
- There’s always an exception. “I’m not disorganized, I mean have you seen my baseball card collection?” Never mind that every other aspect of your life is disorganized, that baseball card collection cancels it all out. Ignore the exception and focus on the majority.
- Ask your family and friends for help. You may think you’re super laid back but they might disagree. Don’t get defensive. We aren’t always as self-aware as we’d like to think and again it’ll only improve the accuracy of your results.
- Don’t mistakenly choose your abilities over how you are naturally wired. You might have the gift of gab but if you aren’t ENERGIZED by talking and interacting with others then it’s not your personality. Ask yourself, “Does it energize me or exhaust me?”
- Finally, when in doubt, think back to your childhood. As we grow older we gain more and more adaptive behaviors that can distort our natural personalities. Going back to your childhood will give you an idea of who you were before there was too much influence on you.
Once you've taken the quiz make a note about what personality you came up with, I'll be blogging about one in each of my next 4 posts. Encourage your friends, family, spouse and the garbage man to participate with you, it'll make for a great conversation starter :)
Ready...Set...GO!
