Reaction Theory

Every time I put Ellie down to sleep, whether it's for a nap or bedtime or a middle of the night feeding, I always pray for 3 things while we're rocking: patience, strength and to fall more in love with her and Matt everyday.

If you're a parent (and probably even if you aren't!) you can probably figure out why I'm praying for those 3 things constantly :)  Last week as I was rocking her and praying I found myself saying to God something along these lines, "I don't want to spend Ellie's life merely reacting to her..."  And it was that thought that spawned a whole slew of thoughts.

Reacting as a parent is often a necessity, especially when they're little.  Ellie cries, I react.  Ellie laughs, I react.  Ellie poops, I react.  Ellie yawns, I react.  You get the idea.  The reason I didn't want for my relationship with her to revolve around reacting is because it feels very...surviving and not thriving.  I'm not interested in spending my time just surviving with Ellie, although I have been in that stage before and probably will at some point again.  But I don't want to live there.

Surviving to me is pretty unenjoyable.  It's a flat line, a plateau of cause and effect.  You watch shows like Survivor and you don't think to yourself, man that looks like fun!  You never feel like you're making progress because you're merely reacting to problems as they arise.  It feels a lot like spinning your wheels!  That's because "just surviving" is the antithesis of LIFE.  Sure, lots of us have had to live here in the survival camp but no one wants to stay.  We want to move into thriving.

Thriving is anticipatory.  You have goals or dreams and you move forward to achieve them.  It's not stagnant, you see progress!  You aren't waiting to see what life brings to you, instead you bring it to life!  It's having the freedom to choose what you do and how you do it.  This is where we want to be, no matter what arena of life.  

Surviving Ellie looks like me going through the day changing diapers and just trying to make it until Matt gets home.  I'm not happy, I'm not enjoying who Ellie is or being intentional about how I'm raising her.  Thriving with Ellie looks like having a goal of the kind of person I want her to be in 18 years and then working toward it, each day knowing progress is being made.  On those days I'm surprised when Matt walks through the door because time just flew by! 

Long story short, I don't want to be a reactive parent.  I want to be a proactive one.  I want to choose how I will raise Ellie and not just leave it up to chance or whatever happens.  That to me is what will make both of us more joyful and fulfilled people as she grows.

Now I have zero credentials when it comes to parenting.  I wouldn't even say I've successfully raised a 6 month old!  But, the more I thought about this idea of being in constant reaction to Ellie the more I realized that "reacting" had almost become a way of life for me.  And that bothered me for much the same reason as it bothered me to think I would spend all of Ellie's life merely reacting to her.

In regards to my health, I don't watch what I eat or how I'm eating until I get on the scale and see a number I don't like.  I don't make my relationship with Matt a priority until I notice one day we don't feel as close as we once did.  I don't take time to continually invest in friendships until one day I need a friend and I can't find one.  I don't show up for work and give it my all until a promotion comes open.  That's what a life of reacting looks like.  And it sucks.

The time to be aware of my health is NOW so there's never a weight problem, a heart issue, a health crisis.  The time to invest in my relationship is NOW so there's never a wall to tear down, or a divorce to be averted.  The time to invest in friendships is NOW so when I'm in need of counsel I have a place to go.  The time to work toward a promotion is before the opportunity ever comes so that when it does, I'm ready.

A proactive life allows me to choose where I want to go and what story I want to tell in 10 years.  Reactive living is an easy habit to fall into but it's one I know I want to avoid.  Not just for Ellie's sake but for mine too.

6 things for my 6 month old!

Ellie hit the 6 month mark over this weekend so in her honor here are my top 6 things I've learned or that surprised me or I'd do again or not do again...basically it's 6 random things!

6.   Getting an epidural doesn't hurt! 
          Since I'm a huge needle wimp that was a big deal to me.  I credit my anesthesiologist who was amazing but either way, no pain associated with epidural.

5.  Breastfeeding was a very natural reaction.  
          I was nervous about nursing Ellie for a lot of different reasons some provoked by vanity and others modesty.  Plus it just seemed awkward and weird.  But it wasn't.  At all.  I couldn't believe how totally natural it seemed.

4.  Try, try again!
          I would try something with Ellie at one point early on and it wouldn't work.  But then a few days, weeks months later I'd try it again and she'd love it!  This was true with swaddling, play mats, cereal, bath time...I could go on and on with things she initially hated and later loved (or vice versa)!

3.  Be flexible.
          I like to plan things out in my head like...today we're going to take a picnic lunch outside and sit under the tree.  It will be fun and a great time of mommy/daughter bonding.  We will cuddle and laugh and read books and probably fall asleep on our quilt.  It will be perfect.  And totally not going to happen.  We never made it out the door.  Mommy is defeated.  Keep trying and just remember...sometimes plans work out, sometimes they don't.  It's okay either way.

2.   I'm pretty self-centered.
          I want to get out of the house and do something, I don't care if it's Ellie's nap time.  I want to talk to people, not about Ellie.  I want to cook dinner, not hold Ellie.  I want to exercise, not cuddle Ellie.  I want some attention, not Ellie.  You don't realize how much your life revolves around ME until it doesn't anymore.  It's the healthiest and best adjustment your life could ever have to get off of ME but it's not an easy or fun transition.

1.  Momminess is either awful or awesome depending on my focus.
          When I focus on the tasks associated with Ellie's care...feeding her, changing her diapers, cleaning her room, washing her clothes, giving her a bath...the list is endless, when those things are my focus, being a mommy is awful.  I hate it.  I get irritated with her, with Matt, with myself, even the dogs!  But when I focus on Ellie as a person...her adorable giggles and the face she makes that looks just like grandad, her delight in a fun puzzle or her dad, her cuddles and sleepy smiles...when I focus on those things, being a mommy is the most awesome thing in the world.

And now...my Elle Belle in pictures!

*All photographs are courtesy of Makenzie Lynn Photography...best photographer and friend!