CONFESSION: Ever since my 32nd birthday in August I've been on a bit of a mission. Some might call it a silly mission and others might say it's worthwhile endeavor. Personally I started my journey as the former but, much to my surprise, have ended as the latter. So, what pray tell is my mission? Finding something frivolous.
I can hear what you're thinking already. That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever blogged about. And on the surface, I am with you. It seems so...frivolous? Way to be creative with the language, Johnson ;) Yet, virtually every parenting book I read, mommy blog I subscribe to, article that I save mentions this very thing over and over again. Take time for yourself. Invest in yourself. Spoil yourself. And I, perhaps like you, have read them all and rolled my eyes. How ridiculous. Don't these people realize how valuable my time is?! How little time, much less extra energy I have?! Not to mention how tight kids can make any size budget?! Ridiculous.
Then this weird thing happened. I turned 32, knew that, due to my medical abnormalities I would not be birthing any additional children, and found myself feeling completely lost. Momma Jen had almost totally taken over and Just Jen wasn't really around anymore. I was rather surprised on one hand because I had always been very adamant about being Just Jen first and Momma Jen second. But, on the other hand, it wasn't surprising at all given the past 3 years. Any woman who has had children understands that the first season of children, when they are under 2 years and very dependent on you is an intense time. There's a lot less sleeping and a lot more essential need meeting that has to happen. If you have two children 14 months apart, both with NICU stays, one whose NICU stay was 8 weeks long well...it's very okay that Momma Jen took over.
I did not feel bad about that. But I also wasn't comfortable staying there. Matt and I have always said that our goal once our children are grown and we are empty nesters is to be closer and more in love than ever before. If you put your marriage relationship on hold for 20+ years that's not going to happen. So, while we love our children, adore our children, we aren't building our existence around our children. They are an awesome part of our family but they are not the center of our family.
My realization showed me that I was starting down a path that leads to a place I know I don't want to go. So, while I felt ridiculous, I decided to take these experts advice and find something frivolous, just for me. Every person is unique so naturally every momma who decides to embark on this kind of journey should focus on things that speak to her heart, her desires, her hobbies and her interests. Mine personally are reading, writing and clothes.
You'd never guess it to look at my make-up-less, yoga pant/t-shirt wearing self but underneath is a woman who truly enjoys expressing myself through my outward appearance...Matt always asks why I'm forever changing my hair and the answer is because I love using my exterior as an expression of my interior. For me it's an outlet for my creativity and artistic expression and I love playing with it! It's fun, engaging and a totally Just Jen centered hobby.
While I dabbled a little in creating some extra reading time and writing poetry at the end of the day the books I was curious to read were parenting oriented and all of my poems were about being a mom. So, for me, neither of these hobbies branched out into something just for me. That left me with clothes...and off I went! I talked with a friend whose make-up and hair knowledge I had always respected and admired and got her advice on how to update my look in those areas. She gave me some awesome suggestions that I was SO nervous to try but I now LOVE. It was a super fun adventure but a rather temporary one.
As all mothers know, having kids changing the shape of your body in all aspects. Having nursed both of my kids my waistline wasn't the only thing that had changed. So, I spent a little time investigating and investing in new undergarments that would fit and help me feel comfortable. Again, a great adventure...a little tedious! But a great investment just the same. But also a rather quick one.
That is when I decided to tackle the one area that I was most nervous about...my actual clothes. I stopped buying clothes when I was pregnant with Ellie in 2011 and truthfully anything I've bought since then either came from Wal-Mart or a garage sale/hand-me-down. No shame in that at all. But I was ready to begin investing in a style that reflected who I am.
My problem was I never had time for a shopping trip. Plus the closest mall was 45 minutes away so add $20 in gas to the extra 2 hours of baby sitter time and it just didn't feel worth it. AND I get overwhelmed with all the choices out there in a store. I struggle to sift through everything and find the pieces that speak to me. Then I find myself hung up on cost so I wind up buying things that don't really speak to me but they were on sale or are cheap quality so I settle. Before I know it I have a closet full of clothes I don't like but feel obligated to wear and there is nothing energizing or engaging about it.
Remember, the whole point of this is to find something that you enjoy. If your frivolous stresses you out or wears you out then it's not the right thing. I continued to mull over my personal predicament when the solution arrived on Facebook one day as an ad for a personal shopping service called StitchFix. I was intrigued so I went on their website and checked it out...after some quick research I signed up and waited with baited breath.
StitchFix is an online personal stylist that selects 5 clothing items for you based on a style profile that you complete. They are shipped directly to you and you have 3 days to try on the clothing and decide if you want to keep any of it or not. They include a prepaid USPS envelope to use for returning any items you don't want to keep. You are charged $20 for a styling fee but if you keep any pieces from you box that $20 is applied toward that purchase (meaning the "styling" was free). There are all sorts of cool details that I could go on and on about but to keep it simple it was the perfect service for me.
I loved having conversations and input on clothing without having to pick the exact pieces. I loved not having to hire a babysitter or travel to a mall to shop. I loved being able pair the clothes sent with items in my closet to see if they would work before I had to buy them. I loved the convenience, the creativity...the whole process was amazing! And here's the crazy part...I didn't buy anything in my first box!
I'm sure that sounds nuts but I walked away from my first "fix" (that's what they call each shipment they send you) and was thrilled. It engaged me, reenergized me, was totally frivolous and did everything I needed to give me that Just Jen time. It cost me $20 (since I didn't buy anything). It was the best $20 I've spend in awhile. And I can't wait for my next fix to arrive.
What's the moral of this blog? For you to go on StitchFix? No. That was my fix, the thing that worked well for me based off of my interests. Yours will be different. The moral, my dear momma friend, is that you need something too. Something that will remind you of who you are aside from your children. Something that will energize and engage you. Something that ultimately will help you be a better mom but also be you. Go find your frivolous. You'll be glad you did!
PS
IF clothing is your frivolous too and you want to check StitchFix out be sure to use my referral link below so I can earn a credit toward my next fix! It's not for everyone so please do not feel pressure to do it.
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