Compari-sin

I have been affectionately dubbed, "The World's Slowest Eater" by friends and family alike. There might be some truth to the name...I can't help it. I enjoy food too much! Matt has accused me of thinking about food, good food mind you, a little too much. Guilty.  I have been known to dream of key lime pie or a really good cup of coffee. And once it arrives I have to savor every bite.  The fact that I talk a lot doesn't really help my cause though. Either way, it's normal for me to still be eating while everyone around me is finished.

Interestingly, I don't just do this with food. I also like to take my time and mull over ideas and challenges I might be facing. Some call it over thinking...I like to call it doing an in depth analysis :)  Matt did a series this past summer on comparison...and you guessed it, ever since then I've been mulling over this whole concept and am not even finished yet! I started on what I thought was a simple, straight forward journey only to discover myself like Alice tumbling down a rabbit hole.

Comparison is so completely ingrained into our brains that unless you really spend sometime paying attention to it, you may not realize how often it occurs. Facebook is jam packed full of comparison opportunities!  Friend A is on vacation in Florida. Friend B just bought a new car. Friend C is having awesome quiet times with God. Friend D is pregnant. Friend E is losing weight. Friend F (who is really more of an acquaintance) has the coolest selfies ever!! How does she do that?!

The bottom line of the series Matt did was, "There is no win in comparison.". Brilliant. Convicting, but brilliant just the same. See, whether we mean to or not, when we start comparing someone loses. Either you decide that you win (your vacation is in fact cooler, your selfie is better and you are winning!) so the other person loses. OR, you decide that you lose (your life is just not as cool as theirs). You are either creating pride in yourself or insecurity. But either way, you lose.

As I became increasingly aware of my comparison crutch I realized how often my mood depended on my "rank". Weight is a great example. In January Matt and I made the decision to stop eating processed foods on the whole. We still eat them some, don't judge us. Take out the sugar and take out the dairy and voila! Weight starts falling off. Hooray, I think! I'm pumped that I'm sticking to our new commitment to healthier foods, I'm proud of myself for making this change, even though it isn't easy and yes, I'm psyched to be dropping poundage. That is until a friend tells me how much weight she's lost. And it's more than me. Wah-wah-waaaah!!! Suddenly, the air goes out of my balloon. I compared and I lost.

I'll give you another example. Pregnancy for me was, with both children, hard. With Ellie, we just didn't know anything about the uterus she was in and whether it would carry well or not. With James, we knew the uterus he was in was small and that there was a high likelihood of him being very premature and possibly not surviving. I always wanted the fun, relaxing pregnancy I thought others had. I wanted it to be a joyful time of celebration not a stressful time of learning to trust God and grow. But it was. And, just for the record, now I wouldn't trade it for anything. Now being the key word. Then? Not so much. I watched other women have these normal pregnancies, normal babies, normal adjustment periods to bringing babies home and I would get so angry that I couldn't have that experience. I compared and I lost.

*Sigh* See, comparison leads to sin. Always. It leads to jealousy. It leads to resentment. It leads to discontentment. It leads to pride. It leads to insecurity. It leads to so many yucky, hard to pull out sins. And it is SO sneaky!!  I saw an article the other day about celebrities DE-photoshopped. One of those, here they are all magazine perfect and here they are really (complete with cellulite, or saggy skin or less than perfect breasts, whatever).  I read it and without realizing it I found myself thinking, "See? They're no better than me! They just have photoshop!". That's what comparison does, it brings the other person down so I can feel superior...or at least equal. 

So, what's the answer? It's really quite simple, but notice I did not say easy. Those are two very different things. I actually learned the solution from my non-verbal communications professor at SIUC. He said one of the biggest mistakes we make is to think in terms of 'either/or'. The answer is either A or B. I am either better or worse. You get the idea. Instead he suggested that we think in terms of BOTH. 

She is beautiful. I am beautiful. We are both beautiful.

She chose to return to work post baby. I chose to stay home post baby. We are both good mommies.

She runs 4 miles a day. I walk around the block. We are both trying to be healthy.

She is smart. I am smart. We are both smart.

See, your accomplishments don't have to diminish another person. And their accomplishments don't have to diminish you.  They can be more organized than you are without you being less than them. You can be more ambitious than they are without them being less than you. So you have a college degree and they didn't finish high school. Big deal, you're both still good, smart, capable people. She paints her nails and loves getting dolled up and you rarely venture out of your pajamas. So what? You're both still amazing women. You like sports and she doesn't. Okay. Good for both of you! 

God made us each to be unique and distinct, not carbon copies of each other. And that's what comparing brings us down to. Comparing assumes that there is a right way and wrong way to be. And there just isn't. Italian food isn't better than Mexican food. Running isn't better than kickboxing. Blue isn't better than green. Coffee isn't better than tea. We are what we are and we are all good. Celebrate it! Celebrate you, celebrate them, just have a big 'ole party up in here!

Next time you find yourself pulling rank on another person, stop. You are both of great value. In fact, Jesus taught that you are so valuable (each and every person!) that God sent his one and only Son to die on the cross for you. For me. All so we could have a relationship with our Creator. God isn't comparing you to anyone because He only ever created you to be you. So...BE YOU...it's one comparison you're guaranteed to win every time ;)