I have not posted in what feels like forever. Mostly because every time I would go to write something I would remember that I had promised posts on personalities and then I would get into a "I'm such a bad blogger" funk that I would then continue to not write. Ever been there? Maybe not in terms of a blog but as a friend, a wife/husband, a sister/brother, mom/dad, student...it could be a long list. It's that moment when our minds become our prison and we are paralyzed by our bad-ness so we continue to do nothing. Some of you aren't wired that way so you're sitting there thinking, "Oh for Pete's sake! Just DO something!". Others are already drudging up every moment in your life where you felt overwhelmed with failure. It's all in how you're programmed, I suppose that's why I love learning about how God wired us.
Every personality has it's struggles. No one "type" is better than another and each person has their own mental prison. It looks different for everyone. But here's what I know, God did not intend for any of us to have to live in that mental prison. He did not intend for there to be relational conflict caused by our differences. That's all something that happened when sin entered the world. Which sucks but since it's reality the best thing we can do is work to continually understand each other. We won't always agree...after all understanding is not synonymous with agreement. But it does cultivate respect for each other, love for each other and most definitely peace within ourselves. It allows us to take off the victim hat (I must have done something or be something wrong for them to have responded that way) and be secure in ourselves knowing their response has nothing to do with us, it has to do with them.
Most people are a blend of 2 personalities but we are going to kick off with the individual types and then we'll get to blends later. We're going to start with the melancholy personality. I should issue a warning though...no one likes to be placed in a box but melancholy's especially don't like it. So, if you're reading this and you're already offended that I would even try to place you into a group without even knowing you (keeping in mind that you would probably say no one really knows you)...you're probably a melancholy :)
The title melancholy is a little misleading. It sounds so...down. But the reality is that the name melancholy actually references your deep emotions. Whether you express them or not you feel a lot. As you'll find with all personalities your greatest gift can also be your greatest enemy. Your ability to feel things deeply makes you incredibly gifted at empathy. If you aren't careful, a little too good at empathy. When a friend suffers a loss, your empathy can be a tremendous gift to your friend...but when you start acting as though you suffered the loss...well you can see how it can be taking things a little too far!
When those emotions take control you can't even watch the evening news without walking away in a funk. The question is always, who is in control here? When you control your emotions, your ability to connect with feelings is beautiful. When your emotions control you, it's hard to function. You are at the mercy of your whims...up for a period of time and then crashing for a period of time. You can't move beyond relational conflict, no one "understands" you, martyrdom is in full force. Forget forgiveness! You mentally (and probably to all your friends) rehash that argument, that action, that whatever over and over and over again, reliving the hurt. You may say you want to move forward but you keep talking about it. And in some ways, it feels good. The pain is almost like an old friend that comforts you. Move on? Let that person get away with that? Clearly you don't understand the depth of the pain they inflicted! They hurt me! Truly forgiveness is difficult for melancholies.
So, we know now that you feel deeply in a way that can be a great blessing...or a curse, all depending on how you use it. What else do we know? Melancholies are very meticulous and generally a perfectionist. This looks different though for the two different types of melancholies. Some are outwardly organized and some are inwardly organized.
The outwardly meticulous melancholy is probably an accountant or some other equally detailed job. They love order and routine. They believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do things therefore how you do something matters (because it's either right or wrong). They may iron their jeans. They need a clean space to function well.
The inwardly meticulous melancholy is probably an artist or a musician or something truly creative. They may look messy and not put together at all but in their mind they have every detail worked out. It's what allows an artist to paint or draw so well...they've already planned out every step of how to get to the finished product. They have a process, a routine, an order that makes total sense to them even if it doesn't to anyone else. They do things a certain way because they believe it is the right way (even if only for themselves).
A melancholy does not produce shoddy work. They may take a long time to get something done (because it has to be just right) but you can count on a quality product when finished. If for some reason they do submit something below standards you can be guaranteed they are frustrated/angry that they did. Although they probably won't tell you that because melancholies generally think and feel much more than they speak.
As you can imagine, the burden to always be perfect or right can be a tough one to carry. So, melancholies can seem overly serious and have a hard time lightening up. But they appreciate the beauty of the world like no one else. Nature, art, music, a good book...these things all carry so much more meaning to a melancholy.
Ever seen the movie City of Angels with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan? There is a scene where all the "angels" gather at the ocean at sun rise because they hear the most beautiful music with every sun rise. Melancholies are like that. The level of appreciation they feel for nature (like a sunrise) or for a painting or a good song or a brilliant novel is unmatched.
Here are the cliff notes on our friends the beautiful melancholy:
At their best a melancholy is...
- Empathetic
- Organized
- Striving for excellence
- Appreciative
At their worst a melancholy is...
- Easily depressed
- Nit picky
- Perfectionist
-Unforgiving
*Please note, all references to "depression" are not referring to the medical condition, rather they are describing a temporary emotional state.
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