I have a small chalkboard clip that I attached to my laptop that says, "I'm living my dream". Today as I stared at it my first thought was, "So why does it feel like a drag?". Have you ever felt that way? You look at your life and know that it's everything you've ever dreamed of and yet you still wish you could hole up on a deserted island somewhere. Escape.
My conversation with God goes something like this, "Dear God. Why do I feel miserable today? I begged you for children. Begged. For almost two years I begged. Through two pregnancies I begged for my children's lives knowing their survival wasn't a given. Remember all those tears as I rocked Ellie to sleep in my arms with James in my belly? Remember all my promises? What happened?!"
I think to myself, I love the extra "jobs" I've chosen. I love teaching group fitness classes. I mean, I really do! I love preparing for them and helping others discover they're stronger than they realized. I love it! It was a dream of mine for years! And yet...there are days when that dream feels like a drag. Know what I mean? Forget health and wellness and strength and doing the right thing. Give me a dad-gum doughnut! AND a white chocolate mocha from Fidalgo Bay!!
And good grief, Pangea. Man I love Pangea. It has been such a big part of restoring my emotional and mental health which sounds crazy but it's true. I love the company, I am addicted to the products and I love sharing it with others. It's a dream come true! But...well even then there are still days it feels like I'm spinning my wheels. Where all my aspirations are more like indigestion.
All dreams. Big dreams. Things and people I love that in a moment for some reason feel like a drag. So what now? I don't think it's realistic to assume we can live every day in the dream mode. We're going to have days where it's a drag. We are tired. We are stressed. We are hungry. Man, I'm grumpy when hungry. We are unfocused and scattered. Discontent. And it can all pile up until all you have is one big drag.
I think one of the best first steps we can all take is to recognize the barriers we are facing. Right now Ellie is not sleeping. James is not sleeping. I am not sleeping. Nothing kills a dream faster than fatigue! So I can look at my dreams and say, "It's not you. It's me. I'm just tired. And tired doesn't last forever.". That helps.
But do you know what can restore my dreams? Returning to my purpose. See, I chose to stay home with my kids because I wanted to personally invest in them. I had a very wise woman once tell me, "I chose to be left behind so my kids wouldn't be.". I love that. It inspires me and speaks to me and restores me. It's why I'm living my dream. Dirty diapers, potty training, discipline, cutting up chicken nuggets, cleaning up a thousand messes...those are the tasks of my dream but the purpose, the purpose of my dream is tickle fights and slobbery kisses. It's discussions about God and lots of cuddles while we read books. It's movie nights and wrestling. It's an investment in something way bigger than me. And that inspires me. That gets me out of bed when I'm dragging.
Tasks drain a dream. When all I can think about is all the stuff I have to get done, I've lost it. I resent all the work. I'm discouraged when it doesn't go perfectly. I forget, "I chose this". Instead of loving every moment I dread them. I complain. I whine. I blame. Losing the purpose of a dream will make it feel like a drag every time.
Your dream had a purpose too. Before the tasks got overwhelming and drug you down. What was it? I teach group fitness classes and work with Pangea because I want to help women feel comfortable and confident in their own skin. I want them to know, you are loved, you are valued and you are worth every bit of it! It's why I spend hours planning routines that challenge and enable my classes. It's why I share my passion for Pangea and caring for your skin, making time for yourself and not just others. That matters to me! And I believe it's all part of what God's purpose is for my life.
When I come back to that, my purpose and my passion I find the dream coming back to life. I'm energized by my kids, my classes and my conversations. I see the difference I'm making. And when that happens, I look at my little chalkboard clip that says, "I'm living my dream" and I smile. Because I am.
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