On the front porch just swingin'...

My daughter Ellie often likes to go play on the back deck while I work in the kitchen. We have a rule that she has to stay in the backyard which is relatively protected from cars and people. Traffic on our road is pretty much non-existent but I still don't want her in the front yard without a grown-up. From the kitchen window I can see almost all of the backyard and with the door open I can hear if she needed help. She doesn't realize it but in the backyard mommy is carefully watching her enjoy a little independence.

This morning as I observed her from the house she wandered off into a space I couldn't easily see. I gave her a few seconds to come back into view before heading out back to see what she was up to. A quick scan of the backyard revealed no Ellie. Hollering her name garnered no response. Mommy, pajamas and all, hoofed it around to the front of the house to find Ellie sitting on the steps to our front porch. She seemed surprised to see such an emotional mommy headed her way.

Later as we talked about the importance of honoring our word, doing what we say we will do (ie: stay in the backyard), she looked at me with all the logic of a three year old and said, "But mommy I wanted to swing in the front yard." My sweet little girl was only too happy to obey her mother until a better idea came along. And then she couldn't understand why I wouldn't have wanted her to enjoy a little swinging. Because she didn't see or comprehend the dangers.

Obedience is a funny thing. As a parent looking at my 3 year old obedience vs disobedience seems like a very cut and dry issue. I rarely feel confused over whether she is honoring my requests or not...generally it is very blatantly obvious. And yet to her, there is always a good reason for why she couldn't obey me in that moment. I've yet to hear her say, "Mom, I just don't love you and have no desire to respect your wishes.". For sure there have been plenty of "but I don't want to do that" moments. But, to Ellie, her obedience or disobedience has little to do with her love for me. Those aren't interconnected for her.  Mommy does not share that sentiment.

I ask Ellie to stay in the backyard not because I'm being mean but because it is in her best interest at 3 years of age to stay where I can protect her. I'm asking her to obey me because I love her. For me, as her mother, obedience is directly linked to my love for her. I love her too much to let her run out in front of a car and be hurt or killed. I love her too much to let her eat cupcakes for every meal, I know it will hurt her body and create habits later in life that will hinder her life. She thinks she may be missing out by obeying but her vision is so short sighted. Yes, she might miss out in the short term but mommy sees a bigger picture. I see how the pursuit of that short term desire could negatively impact her long term future.

Obedience really is all about trust. Every time I ask Ellie to obey me she has to decide if she believes that mommy knows best, that maybe she doesn't know everything that I know, that mommy's decisions are motivated by love for her and therefore they are trustworthy.  

If only obedience were so easily dissected when not talking about 3 year olds.  And truth be told there are occasions when my decisions are impacted by selfishness.  There are times when mommy is too worn out to go outside and play and my decision to keep everyone indoors has more to do with my desires than love.  There are days when the thought of adding one more mess to the pile feels overwhelming so the paints and crayons and markers are told they must wait for another day.  I am a most imperfect parent and I will not always be acting in love with thoughtfulness toward what is best for my children. Perhaps if I was the perfect parent Ellie would never question my trustworthiness.

Ah, but we already know that's not true don't we? I often look at my heavenly Father, who has only ever demonstrated perfect love for me and I question if He really knows best. I look around at my life with my short-sighted vision completely oblivious to the dangers and perils He is trying to protect me from.  I think, "what's the big deal? I just want to go to the front yard and swing." never seeing the cars. And then when I'm blindsided by the consequence of my decisions I point to God through tears and accuse Him of not being there for me, of not protecting me.

I wonder what would happen if every time God asked me to obey Him I stopped and thanked Him for protecting me from whatever dangers I do not see?  What if I read scriptures and applied the principles He gave for life with gratitude that I don't have to wander aimlessly through these decisions alone? What if I said, "God, I don't understand why You would say this but I trust You and know You have asked this of me because You love me so I will listen and obey."?

Obedience isn't easy. Ask my 3 year old (or my two year old)! Choosing to stay in our backyard rather than going to the front to swing would have felt like she was giving up something, like she was missing out. She could have chosen to obey but become bitter with me because of all she wasn't getting to experience. After all, other kids get to be in the front yard and nothing bad happens to them! Sound familiar?

If we chose, obedience is an opportunity to draw closer to our heavenly Father.  It's a defining moment to say, "God, thank you for protecting me and loving me. I trust You know best and I will follow You, I will love You, regardless of what it feels like it cost me. Because I know the truth is I'm gaining something, not losing it.".  

In the end, obedience that is motivated solely by an outcome isn't really obedience...it's manipulation.  "Okay God, I really want that job/spouse/baby/house/thing so I'm going to 'obey' You because then You have to give me what I want!".  If you are choosing to follow God's plan for sex and wait for marriage to become sexually active because you think that will guarantee you a spouse and a great marriage, you're missing it.  If you serve others and work hard because you think that will guarantee you a leadership role, you're missing it.  If you're giving a tithe and offering because you think that will guarantee you financial prosperity, you're missing it.  If you're investing in your children because you think that will guarantee they know God later, you're missing it.  If you are waiting patiently "learning the lessons God wants to teach you" because you think it will guarantee you a baby, you are missing it.

That is called formula faith and it is a cheap copy of the relationship that God truly desires with us.  Obedience is about trust. Not the outcome. As we continue to obey and trust God we draw closer to Him. We bring glory to Him. We become more like Him...and that's the whole point.

Now don't you worry. Ellie got plenty of swing time after her time out ;)