My beautiful little melancholy...

I've mentioned before my love for all things psychological.  I'm not 100% sure where this passion came from but I remember being in high school and scouring the library for books on handwriting analysis (write a sentence on a piece of paper without lines...go ahead do it now, I'll wait....done?  Okay, now.  Did you know that if your sentence slants up it means you're more optimistic by nature?  And you guessed it, if it slants down you're more pessimistic.  How cool is that?!).  What teenager in their right mind scours the library for books on handwriting analysis?  Just color me a pretty shade of GEEK.

I think my obsession actually started out of my own personal insecurity.  I wasn't sure who I was or what I wanted or liked.  But in psychology I could take a test and it would tell me, "You're a XYZA personality!"  or, "You're an Otter!" and then I'd be like, "Oh wow!  Finally I know who I am!"  Well...at least temporarily.  Until I was tired of being that one and then I'd switch over to another!  Anyone seen the Julie Roberts/Richard Gere classic, Runaway Bride?  I SO related.  I had no clue how I liked my own eggs.

Then in college I finally started figuring out me.  Who I was, what I believed, what I wanted out of life...all that good deep philosophical jazz.  I can't lie, that wasn't really a very fun journey.  I'm very grateful for it, but it required a lot of work.  Now, I know who I am and I don't need a personality test to tell me that.

I do however love understanding how other people are wired so I can better communicate with them and have a better relationship.  It's only natural to assume that everyone thinks like you do.  But it's a very flawed lens to look at people through.  For example:  A choleric personality might send an e-mail that says, "Order new pens ASAP!".  

  

• The sanguine thinks, "Oh no! Are they mad at me?!"
• The melancholy thinks, "How rude!"
• The phlegmatic thinks, "Good grief. What's the big deal?"

 

It's so easy to get offended when you think everyone thinks like you!  That's why I love psychology, it gives us a great framework for understanding people.  Everyone is different and unique but we do have certain commonalities that when utilized properly will only enhance our relationships.

All that being said, I think my daughter is a melancholy.  She's a little young to know for sure but I'm pretty stinkin sure.  Her daddy has a good dose of melancholy in him so that's a fair conclusion to draw.  And knowing this totally changes the way I interact with her.  

A melancholy is an introvert personality.  So throwing her into environments with lots of people is "no way Jose!" kind of situation.  They also don't like surprises...at all.  That means, no sudden movements, something like a loud peek-a-boo might just startle her into tears!  She loves her routine and momma/daddy are her security blankets.  She doesn't want to try anything new or be around lots of noise but she does love to cuddle (my favorite thing!).

I'm so glad that I've realized her temperament because it completely adjusts my expectations for her.  I won't expect her to be that baby that goes to everyone and I won't feel embarrassed that she cries with a stranger.  That's just not who she is.  I won't expect her to love lots of noise and activity and I won't be concerned that she isn't more interactive.  That's just who she is.  I can just embrace the wonderful beautiful personality that she has and be grateful that God has blessed me with a wonderful, sensitive soul.

Maybe my awareness of the way she is naturally wired will help make that road of self-discovery we all travel a little easier for her too.  Maybe it'll make her love herself a little earlier and a little more than I did.  I'd be cool with that.

Have you ever evaluated how you're wired vs. how your child/spouse/boss/friends are?  You should give it a try!

PS

I'm personally a fan of the Choleric/Melancholy/Sanguine/Phlegmatic structure...a good resource is author Florence Littauer who writes a lot from this format, you can find her on Amazon.

Family Values

When Matt and I found out we were pregnant with Ellie one of the first things we started discussing were the values we wanted to instill in her.  I had read a book a long time ago (before Matt and I ever dated long ago) and it discussed how each family has values whether they're aware of it or not.  As I thought about it I realized how true that was!  Even though I don't remember my parents ever specifically saying, "Okay kids here are the rules we live by" they still communicated what we valued simply by how they made their decisions, distributed their time and money, and just lived their lives.

An organization called ReThink has mainstreamed this whole idea of parenting with the end in mind.  It's a strategy we utilize at The Journey and it's founder, Reggie Joiner, has written several books and I've heard him speak at conferences before.  What he says makes sense to me.  We want to be intentional with how we raise Ellie so we've put a strategy in place that includes determining our values now so we can focus on it now...it's like giving us a parenting framework.  Anyway, Reggie explains it a lot better than me so if you're intrigued you should purchase his books (you can get them on Amazon)...I would start with Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community.

Moving forward.  So each day I try to connect the dots for Ellie between our values and the choices we're making.  Keeping in mind she's 4 months and 1 week old so...I can't say much is sinking in at this point!  Really, at this time, the discussions and dot connecting are for me not her so that later when she's watching me I've already made sure I'm aligning the way I live with the way I say I want to live.

We pinpointed 5 values but the one I've been thinking about a lot today is GENEROSITY.  I made these designs to hang on her walls in her bedroom.  

Generosity to me is a pretty big deal.  I want to be a generous person and I hope that Ellie will grow to be a generous person as well.  Generous with love...with forgiveness...with her time and money...with her talents and skills...with everything!

Here's where I've really been thinking a lot today.  It sounds so easy to be generous with love but the more I thought about it the more I realized how truly stingy I can be.  From somewhere in the recesses of my mind I brought up a scene from the movie The Patriot.  It's toward the end of the movie and Mel Gibson's character is about to leave his family and head back into battle with the British.  His youngest daughter hasn't talked since his wife died and he's begging her to say something before he leaves.  She refuses and as he's walking away it's like a dam bursts and suddenly she can't hold back any longer.  She runs after him screaming, they embrace and the tears just come pouring out...from me not them!

That scene tears me apart every time!  But it's a really great illustration of what we, okay I, so often do.  Sometimes the people I love the most (Matt & Ellie) provoke such a strong emotional response from me.  Just like the little girl it feels safer to just withhold those strong sentiments hoping to avoid being hurt or rejected perhaps.  Or maybe I just feel silly being so emotionally attached.  I hear the garage door open signaling Matt is home and my initial reaction is to do a slow-motion sprint into his arms like you see in the movies because I've missed him so much.  But then he walks in the door and suddenly I feel silly so I just say, "How was your day?".  

I felt this play out yesterday which is probably why it's on my mind today a lot.  Yesterday my father-in-law had open heart surgery.  The family was with him in his room before they took him back for the operation and I felt very emotional.  Not because I was worried or scared that he wouldn't be okay but just because when someone you love is about to endure something that painful it just brings out the emotions!  The nurse came in to get him and I had this strong desire to hug him and tell him I loved him one more time.  But there was this immediate push back.  Again, what if I looked foolish?  Or what if the family thought I was being an over emotional sap?  So I found myself tempted to withhold that display of love.

I'm grateful at the last minute I worked up the courage to tell him I loved him and give him a hug before I left the room but that struggle was very real!  Being generous with love is very VULNERABLE and that's what can make living it out hard.  I need to continually be aware of this tension and be intentional about choosing love, not just for Ellie's sake but for mine too.

I'll tell you about our other values some other time for now, this one has given me plenty to think about!

Welcome to our family!

Howdy folks!  Welcome to the Johnson Family Ramblings, so named because well...we're the Johnson family and I (Jen) am writing it which means it's bound to be full of ramblings!  My husband Matt always accuses me of using 20 words when 2 will do, but what's the fun of only 2 words?  Of course he's an introvert so naturally he prefers 2 words over 20...and come to think of it I'm an extrovert hence the more words the merrier!  I also use exclamation points a lot.  But they're very genuine exclamation marks.  If you know me in person you would agree I exclaim quite frequently.

So...I guess step one is to introduce you to the Johnson family!  Let the rambling commence:

MEET MATT:

Matt is my hubby and the best man I've ever encountered, hence why I married him.  He's the lead pastor at The Journey Church (shameless website plug here! www.TheEpicJourney.com) in Murray, KY which he started back in September of 2005.  He loves what he does which is a pretty big deal, I mean how many people do you know that wake up excited to get to work?  I don't know that many, maybe I'm just surrounded by weirdos but I think not, I think most people aren't fortunate to love what they do.  Matt loves learning and is constantly reading (mostly leadership/management books).

MEET JEN (ME):

I'm Jen!  It's kind of hard to talk about yourself so I'll keep it short.  I'm a Phlegmatic Sanguine and obviously a big psychology lover (Matt is a Choleric/Melancholy just in case you were curious)!  I've always been obsessed with psychology and how the way we're wired can impact our relationships with others.  Communication (specifically interpersonal) is my 2nd love and I think one of these days I'll probably invest in the necessary degree to become a family/marriage counselor.  But that'll be my later in life career :)  For now, I'm the music director at the Journey and I own my own design business, Taylor Made Design Co. (my maiden name is Taylor)!  Most importantly though, I'm Ellie's mama.   

MEET ELIZABETH GRACE:

Ellie is our newest addition!  She was just born April 6th of this year and she is the most wonderful baby girl ever created!  She is also her daddy made over :)  Talk about 2 peas in a pod...I'm decidedly outnumbered. 

MEET RUPP RACER:

Rupp is our long-haired chihuahua!  He's named after Rupp Arena (obviously we're big UK fans) and our Murray State Racers. GOOOO RACERS! We adopted Rupp from Paws 'N Claws which is a rescue organization back in 2010.  Rupp is our very obedient and sweet puppy.

MEET CALI:

Cali is a yorkie something and she is named after John Calipari.  Cali is also a rescue puppy and she just joined our family back in 2011.  While Rupp is very compliant Cali is her own boss!  But we love her independent spirit...most days!

Well, there you have it!  Now that you've met the family I hope you'll check in periodically...assuming you can handle the rambling :)