I've mentioned before my love for all things psychological. I'm not 100% sure where this passion came from but I remember being in high school and scouring the library for books on handwriting analysis (write a sentence on a piece of paper without lines...go ahead do it now, I'll wait....done? Okay, now. Did you know that if your sentence slants up it means you're more optimistic by nature? And you guessed it, if it slants down you're more pessimistic. How cool is that?!). What teenager in their right mind scours the library for books on handwriting analysis? Just color me a pretty shade of GEEK.
I think my obsession actually started out of my own personal insecurity. I wasn't sure who I was or what I wanted or liked. But in psychology I could take a test and it would tell me, "You're a XYZA personality!" or, "You're an Otter!" and then I'd be like, "Oh wow! Finally I know who I am!" Well...at least temporarily. Until I was tired of being that one and then I'd switch over to another! Anyone seen the Julie Roberts/Richard Gere classic, Runaway Bride? I SO related. I had no clue how I liked my own eggs.
Then in college I finally started figuring out me. Who I was, what I believed, what I wanted out of life...all that good deep philosophical jazz. I can't lie, that wasn't really a very fun journey. I'm very grateful for it, but it required a lot of work. Now, I know who I am and I don't need a personality test to tell me that.
I do however love understanding how other people are wired so I can better communicate with them and have a better relationship. It's only natural to assume that everyone thinks like you do. But it's a very flawed lens to look at people through. For example: A choleric personality might send an e-mail that says, "Order new pens ASAP!".
- The sanguine thinks, "Oh no! Are they mad at me?!"
- The melancholy thinks, "How rude!"
- The phlegmatic thinks, "Good grief. What's the big deal?"
It's so easy to get offended when you think everyone thinks like you! That's why I love psychology, it gives us a great framework for understanding people. Everyone is different and unique but we do have certain commonalities that when utilized properly will only enhance our relationships.
All that being said, I think my daughter is a melancholy. She's a little young to know for sure but I'm pretty stinkin sure. Her daddy has a good dose of melancholy in him so that's a fair conclusion to draw. And knowing this totally changes the way I interact with her.
A melancholy is an introvert personality. So throwing her into environments with lots of people is "no way Jose!" kind of situation. They also don't like surprises...at all. That means, no sudden movements, something like a loud peek-a-boo might just startle her into tears! She loves her routine and momma/daddy are her security blankets. She doesn't want to try anything new or be around lots of noise but she does love to cuddle (my favorite thing!).
I'm so glad that I've realized her temperament because it completely adjusts my expectations for her. I won't expect her to be that baby that goes to everyone and I won't feel embarrassed that she cries with a stranger. That's just not who she is. I won't expect her to love lots of noise and activity and I won't be concerned that she isn't more interactive. That's just who she is. I can just embrace the wonderful beautiful personality that she has and be grateful that God has blessed me with a wonderful, sensitive soul.
Maybe my awareness of the way she is naturally wired will help make that road of self-discovery we all travel a little easier for her too. Maybe it'll make her love herself a little earlier and a little more than I did. I'd be cool with that.
Have you ever evaluated how you're wired vs. how your child/spouse/boss/friends are? You should give it a try!
PS
I'm personally a fan of the Choleric/Melancholy/Sanguine/Phlegmatic structure...a good resource is author Florence Littauer who writes a lot from this format, you can find her on Amazon.
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